


Of Tears and Slow Healing

by ChocolatesLovechild



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Or is it??? ;), Saddness, break up mention, promts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:40:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolatesLovechild/pseuds/ChocolatesLovechild
Summary: John goes to a family gathering and finds healing amongst love.OrPromt 2: today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again" AU





	Of Tears and Slow Healing

Every step John took as he traveled towards his home in South Carolina felt like a breath of relief. Every step was taking John farther from the endless sound of traffic and relentless madness of New York City. Every step taking John closer to a paradise of long moments and quiet warm streets. An escape from a loveless apartment.

John was headed to one of the yearly family gatherings the Lauren's family hosted. They were Familiar and welcoming. Each gathering was lathered in delicious food and dripping in southern hospitality. And John needed to eat something other than Oreos, McDonald's, and ice cream.

Today would be the first family gathering he'd be to without Alexander. The first one since Alex broke up with him. It was painful to recall.

It's been four months. Every one was hell.

Despite his better judgment , John keeps expecting to wake up to Alexander's sleeping face. Alexanders hair lounging all over the pillows. A tiny bit of drool on his chin. And closed eyelids concealing intense eyes full of thunderous passion.

But every time he awoke, the crushing reality of Alexanders absence settled into the air, thick and heavy. In those moments Johns body existed in cement, threatening to hold him captive in tearful longing.

And sometimes he would just listen to the sound of speeding cars whizzing on concrete, speeding through New York carelessly.

Moments of the sort were suffocating. 

And in those moments John wished to be as emotionless and unbridled as a car. Fast and unafraid, unaffected by emotional turmoil.

John would sob. Pathetic, he would bitterly spit the word out. He was pathetic for being hopelessly in love with a man who had texted him that they were over with no explanation. A man who he had not seen nor heard of since.

None of Johns friends would give him Alexanders whereabouts. So John sobbed and painted with a new fervency, a new pain. He occasionally ate. And when he rested it was for ten hours or more.

John had never texted Alexander back. He had just stared and stared at the text till his eyes hurt and tears made a layer across his eyes, as if protecting him from seeing the text again. He had refused to let them fall.

And now it was the yearly family gathering. John had taken the liberty to inform his Parents and Cousins that Alexander was to be absent. They hadn't questioned him. Just told him there would be whine at the gathering. Lord knows John could use some.

There was a thin layer of frost coating the pavement. John felt mildly guilty for stepping into the pure and undisturbed snow. He left a trail of footprints behind him.

He gradually fell into autopilot as he strolled through the familiar streets. John preferred to appreciate the beauty of his home state instead of focusing on directions. He knew that his feet would carry him home without his constant command of them to do so. 

He loved to observe. Loved to imagine drawing the frost covering the sidewalk. The particular way the light hit it. The way the left side glimmered a tiny bit more than the right.

John didn't love himself a great deal, but he relished in his ability to sketch and paint. One of its many merits was to notice detail that the eye of another couldn't pick up. Only an artist who drew his surroundings with care could have such a appreciation for the beauty of existence.

John came to a stop. In front of him was his childhood home in all its glory. A white picket fence and a large gate protected a white upstate styled mansion. The home was alight with the sounds of laughter and the sight of a lit up home.

John made his way through the gate and up the steps to the door. He looked fondly at the estate. Nostalgia so thick in the air he could taste it. Johns hand hovered above the doorbell, he took a steadying breath.

He rang it. In an instantaneous response the door swung open. Emerging from the doorway was a tall women in a modest green dress and a shiny silver necklace. A smile gracing her features and her bright brown eyes regarded him gladly.

" Welcome home Jack"

John grinned , feeling more okay than he had in months.

" Good to be home, Aunty Meredith. "

She hugged him, enveloping him in warmth. Then she turned and called, "Petter, Lilith, come here and say hi to Jack!"

In a flurry of squeals a child raced her way to John and jumped into his arms, electing a laugh from her victim. "Jacky!!!" She cheered. Following her example an older boy sped into Johns embrace.

"Not fair Lilith! My brother my hug" He whined. 

Lilith stuck out her tongue " slow poke." 

John giggled. " You can both have hugs." A man in his mid thirties laughed as he came into the hallway. " I see the children have you captive, ay Jack." 

John stood up and grinned bashfully "Great to see you Peter." 

Peter strode over and clapped him on the back " Great to see you to Jack." 

Meredith inhaled the scent of chicken wafting from the dinner room and urgently said "let's go to the dinner table, now that Jacks here we can start the meal."

Johns mouth watered. Memories of chicken, buttered potatoes, green beens, and homemade cookies were paired with their present smells. No one argued. 

The dinner table was soon filled. Johns father was flanked by Aunty Meredith and Johns younger sister Mary. Next to her was Martha and Lilith. Across from them was Uncle Peter and Henry, Johns youngest sibling and of course John.

The room was filled with reunion. John was to lost in being regaled with story's of his family's life to feel the gaping hole in his heart left by Alexander

Aunty Meredith was tutoring Lilith in third grade mathematics. Mary was relishing in reckless teenage love. Martha was starting law school. Lilith was a soccer champion among her peers. Uncle Peter was going through a musical obsession. And Henry was drooling over his best friend in seventh grade. 

Soon the table was cleared of dinner and in its place was the untouched platter of oatmeal cookies. The smell was tantalizing. Henry was the first to grab at one but Lilith protested " We have to wait for Lexi to come first!"  
.  
.  
.  
.  
The table stilled and thick tension settled over the room. It was akin to dust settling on the floor. Lilith's eyebrows furrowed " Whys everybody upset?"

A heavy sorrow clutched Johns heart. Amongst food and family he had pushed away any though of Alex. And now it crushed him

He shattered.

John let out a strangled sob and ran. Ran to the bathroom. Locked the door. Because he couldn't fall apart in front of anyone. Couldn't show how much it fucking tore into him. Because if he did then it was real. Realer than Alex's Absence.

Real because it was no longer a text or a break. It was a wound presented to others scrutiny. John let out another sob and climbed his way into the bathtub. He took out his phone from his pocket.

He opened up his photos and went into an album. Pictures of Alex flooded his vision and brought another surge of tears. He knew he shouldn't. Knew he should get up and go to his family. Knew he was a pitiful wreck.

And John ignored it in favor of peering through his tears at picture and picture of Alexander. Of Lexi.

Seconds passed and turned in to minutes and turned into an hour. A soft knocking on the door rose John out of his stupor. Mary softly called to him " John, are you alright."

She sounded so sad. So sorry.... Guilt stabbed John in the heart. He got up and slapped himself and then roughly dried his eyes. He proceeded to call back "Yeah I'll be out.." 

John took one look in the mirror and wrinkled his noes in disgust. He looked pitiful. He attempted to fix his hair and willed his eyes to no longer be red. And when that didn't work he took a steadying breath and left the bathroom.

He didn't take one breath before slight teenage arms engulfed him in a bear hug. John wheezed and then let out a watery laugh. Mary laughed with him. 

As soon as he was free John looked up to see concerned gazes. John offered them a small apologetic smile. And the still sadness of the room turned to ashes and rising from it was a flurry of hugs and reassuring words.

The hole in Johns heart mended a tiny bit. Filled a bit with love and acceptance. John smiled. Maybe he could get better. As long as he had his family at his side he could get through this. 

Apologies poured from Lilith's mouth as her tiny arms squeezed his neck in a hug that was not meant to end for several minutes. John hugged her back. Warmth engulfing him. 

Yeah, he could get through this.

**Author's Note:**

> I worked so hard on this for so long that I'm sure I missed a million errors. I hope you enjoyed :). I might make a sequel if you sinamon roles liked this. If you have any promts comment them and I'll see what I can do


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